l The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon :
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept.
Musharraf : Mr. President, I would like to express my condolences to you.It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs... I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that........
Bush : What buildings? What people??
Musharraf : Oh, what time is it in America now?
Bush: It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!

l TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife :
"I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to
put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was
opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".

TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi. When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife
indicating about his trip to Ajmer. He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written:
'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye )

l A man took his wife to the State Fair and one of the exhibits was that of breeding bulls. They come up to the first pen and there is a sign that says "This Bull mated 50 times last year." The wife pokes her husband in the ribs and says "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and see another pen with assign that says " This Bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hits her husband and says
"That' s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walk further and a third pen has a Bull with a sign saying "This Bull mated 365 times last year." The wife gets really excited and says "
That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looks at her and says.... "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

l Manmohan Singh and Obama are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Obama and Manmohan Singh?"
The barman says "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Obama says, "We're planning world war 3"
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" and Manmohan Singh says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
Manmohan Singh turns to Obama and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

l A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

l Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274" is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

l A woman went to see her doctor. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was and she explained. The second doctor went back to the first and said, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor simply smiled and said, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't i?"

l A man was leaving a cafe with his morning coffee when he noticed amost unusual funeral procession. A funeral coffin was followed by a second one about 50 feet behind the first. Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
The inquisitive man asked, "What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied "Please join the queue."

l Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why? Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

l Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.